'Twas the night before turning in my thesis, when all through my house
Not a single fuck was given, not even by my oversized mouse.
Microsoft Word was open in my desktop with care,
In hopes that the end of this torture soon would be there.
I wanted to be nestled all snug in my bed,
While visions of topless dancers appeared in my awesome head.
Dreaming of going to Paris in a cool transatlantic flight,
Had just settled my brain after a hard day’s night.
When out on my patio there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from my laptop to see what was the matter.
Away to the window I flew like a flash,
And muted my iTunes that was playing The Clash.
Distracted by thoughts of girls I wanted to plow
Gave the lustre of mid-day to objects below.
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But the almighty Facebook, taking me far from my career.
With a flick of the mouse, so lively and quick,
I knew in a moment, that link I had to click.
More rapid than eagles my distraction it came,
And I whistled, and shouted, and sang Eternal Flame!
"Now Facebook! now, Twitter! now, sites with nude vixens!
On, Reddit! On, Tumblr! on, to the MySpace of Ulises Von Blitzen!
To the top of the interwebs! to the top of my wall!
Wasting my time away! Waste away! Waste away all!"
As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,
When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky.
To the end of my broadband my downloads they flew,
With Ares full of songs, and some movies too.
And then, in a twinkling, I remembered my proof
I had to finish my thesis, I had to stop being aloof.
As I knew it in my head, and was turning around,
I returned to work with unbereable resound.
I was dressed all in hipster, from my head to my foot,
And my clothes were all tarnished with vintage and soot.
A very cool hat I had flung on my head,
I looked pretty sexy, as sang by Right Said Fred.
My eyes-how they twinkled! my smile how merry!
My cheeks were like roses, my nose like a cherry!
My droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow,
And the beard of my chin, it was awesome, y'know?
The stump of a pot pipe held tight in my teeth,
And the smoke it expelled just lingered beneath.
Then the munchies came, and I craved some green jelly,
I always forget how weed makes me merry.
Handsome like that guy called Legolas the elf
No one can really compare to myself!
A wink of my eye and a twist of my head,
Soon gives people the know they have nothing to dread.
I spoke not a word, but went straight to my work,
And filled all the pages, then turned with a jerk.
And laying my finger aside of my keyboard,
I finished my thesis, even though I was bored.
Not a single book was open, not on my watch
A kickass thesis I had made, like one of dem sasquatch.
And finally I exclaimed, with elegance and class:
"Happy Thesis to all, and to all, kiss my ass!"